12/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17907
Wife sent text to husband.
“Hi I will get late, please cook dinner, then wash all dirty dishes and make sure you prepare our bed and put kids to sleep before I return…..
She sent another text,
“And I forgot to mention…. I have also bought a bottle of BLUE LABEL PREMIUM SCOTCH WHISKY for you……
He texted _“ really ?”
She replied –
“No…. I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”
12/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17901
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says,
‘I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.’
His second friend says,
‘I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.’
Santa says,
‘I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.’
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
‘No I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.’
12/26/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17898
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.
The mother mouse says,
“BARK!!” and the cat runs away.
The mother mouse then says to her baby,
“See how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?”
12/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17895
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve.
They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven.
On entering they are told that they must present something “Christmassy.” in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas tree.
He is let in.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night.
So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
To which he replies, “Oh, . . . They’re Carol’s.”
12/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17891
An old man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry.
He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says,
“Try our Exotic Breakfast now”
So he walks in and sits down at a table.
The waitress comes over and asks what he wants.
The old man asks, “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?”
“Baked tongue of chicken,” she proudly replies
The old man shouts,
“Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I’d never even think about eating anything
that came out of a chicken’s mouth! Urgh!!”
The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him,
“No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?”
The old man says, “Just bring me some scrambled eggs.”