12/14/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17856
An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them.
And every morning, he would see all the pigs scr*wing up a storm.
He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to scrw his wife –
But he always got soft before he got there.
So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pigpen.
“No!” said his wife.
“Don’t kill those pigs!”
“I’m not going to kill them. I’m moving the pen closer to the house.”
12/13/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17853
A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again:
The boy asked,
“What is this Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded!
“Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don”t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order……
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…
“Go get your Mother!”
12/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17850
An elderly guy sticks his head in the barbershop and asks,
“How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says,
“About two hours.”
The elderly guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
“How long before I get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says,
“About two hours.”
The elderly guy leaves.
A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
“How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says,
“About an hour and a half.”
The elderly guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
“Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.”
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, “Bill, where did he go when he left here?”
Bill looked up and said,
“To your house.”
12/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17846
A city boy driving through the country passes a chicken farm and he is doing 55 mph.
A chicken runs by and passes him inside of his fenced in field.
He thinks wow that is amazing.
He stops and pulls into the barnyard where he sees the farmer.
He said to the farmer
” I was driving along the road out there and one of your chickens passed me in my car.”
The farmer replies,
” I know, I raise chickens and never seem to have enough chicken legs for the poultry plant, so I have genetically produced a chicken with three legs.”
The city boy replies,
“wow that is fantastic, you ought to be rich now. How do they taste?”
The farmer replies
” Don’t know, never been able to catch one!”
12/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17843
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend.
“It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed.
“But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?”
“Well,” the husband said,
“we changed our plans because, uh…”
His wife cut in,
“Oh, tell the truth, Fred!”
He fell silent, and she continued,
“You know, it’s just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions.”