12/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17839
An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.
“I see spots before my eyes,” he said.
“It’s due to old age,” said the doctor.
“No food agrees with me,” said the man.
“That too is due to old age,” said the doctor.
“The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.”
“My back is giving me trouble,” persisted the man.
“Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.”
“Old age,” said the doctor.
This was too much for the man.
“Why do you go on saying ‘old age, old age’,” he screamed.
“If you cannot cure me, say so. I’ll go elsewhere.”
“See how easily you lost your temper,” said the doctor.
“That is another characteristic of old age.”
At last, the old man slaps him, and the doctor asks,
“Why did you slap me?”
Old man said “This is also due to old age, you see”
12/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17836
A wise old man was sitting at the river bank.
He saw a cat that had fallen into the river struggling to save itself from drowning.
The man decided to save the cat.
He stretched out his hand towards the cat but the cat scratched him.
He pulled his hand back in pain.
However, a few minutes later he stretched out his hand again to save the cat, but it scratched him again, and again he pulled his hand back in pain.
A few minutes later he was again trying for the third time!
A man, who was nearby watching what was happening, yelled out,
“O wise man, you have not learned your lesson the first time, nor the second time, and now you are trying to save the cat a third time?”
The wise man paid no heed to that man’s scolding and kept on trying until he managed to save the cat.
He then walked over to the man and patted his shoulder saying:
“My son It is in the cat’s nature to scratch, and it is in my nature to love and have sympathy.
Why do you want me to let the cat’s nature overcome mine?
“My son, treat people according to your nature, not according to theirs, no matter what they are like and no matter how numerous their actions that harm you and cause you pain sometimes. And do not pay heed to all the voices that loudly call out to you to leave behind your good qualities merely because the other party is not deserving of your noble actions.
So never regret the moments you gave happiness to someone, even if that person did not deserve it.
Jesus treats us according to His nature, just think where we would be if He were to treat us as per our nature.
That is why He saves us in spite of ourselves.
12/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17832
An old man decides he wants to meet his grandson before he dies.
He lives in the wilderness like a hermit so he hardly ever meets anyone.
So he invites his young grandson over to mark one item off his bucket list.
His grandson arrives and notices his grandfather is scarred all over and missing some of his limbs, most noticeably one of his hands.
“How did you lose your hand?”
“A lion bit it off during one of my hunting trips. Speaking of that, I was an avid hunter and have an impressive trophy room, let me show you”
The grandfather leads his grandson to his trophy room. It is filled with large animal heads mounted on the walls. The boy is in awe of all the different animals.
“There are lots of stories to tell with some of these, several even attacked me before I managed to kill them. This leopard here? Its name is Eerie. I named it that because it bit off my ear. I generally like to name them after something they took from me so I remember our encounter better”
As the boy looks around from animal to animal, he starts to ask about the stories behind them.
“What about that great big Crocodile? Does that one have a story?”
“Yes, it took several of my toes, so I named it Toto”
“What about this Tiger?”
“It took my eye, so it is named Iris”
Then the boy’s eyes are caught by an enormous lion, the most majestic trophy of them all.
“That must be the Lion that took your hand! Did you name it Hans?”
“Good guess, but no, I named it Hanc)ck”
12/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17827
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
“There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.”
“How did you know?” his mother asked.
“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied.?
“I think it’s printed on the bottom.”
12/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17824
Jim has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress.
He quits his job and buys 50 acres of wilderness as far from humanity as possible.
Apart from the postman who calls once a week it’s total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door.
He opens it and there is a big, bearded islander standing there.
“My name’s MacDonald. I’m your neighbor and I’m having a party Saturday and thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Jim, “after six months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As MacDonald is leaving he stops and turns,
” I gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin’”
“Not a problem… after 25 years in the computer business, I can do that with the best of them.” says Jim.
Again, as he starts to leave MacDonald stops and turns.
“More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’, too.”
“Damn,” thinks Jim, tough crowd.
“Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again McDonald turns from the door.
“I’ve seen some wild fun at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s not a problem”, says Jim,
“Remember I’ve been alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there … by the way, what should I wear to the party?”
MacDonald stops in the door again and says
“Whatever you want, it’s just gonna be the two of us”