12/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17884
On a break time, a teacher realized that one of his students had just stayed idle like a desolated statue.
Wanting to at least cheer him up, the teacher went where the kid was and sat down besides him and said,
“Johnny, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?”
“No.” He said shaking his head.
“So what’s wrong?”
“I just wanna be alone.”
“Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, what if you tell me a story?”
“Hmmm,” said Johnny, “okay, I’ll tell you this story in four parts.”
“Now you’re talking. What’s the story about?”
“It’s about my mom and dad.”
“Really? That’ll be a great one.”
“Yes. It’s in four parts.”
“Great, so what’s the part one about?”
“My mom and dad were traveling to a camping site yesterday. On their way there, they reached a junction where the road was splitting up. Dad looked at my mom and said, ‘honey, we’re gonna take the right turn’ but my mom protested and said, ‘no, this road is too muddy! Take the right turn!’ Quickly, dad slapped my mom and asked her, ‘who is driving? Is it you or me?’ “
“Damn! That was harsh.” Said the teacher.
“Really? If you only knew about what happened in part two.”
“Okay, what happened in the second part?”
“When they arrived to the camping site, my dad went straight fishing and mom was home. Dad returned about an hour later with five tilapia fish which got my mom very happy and she said to him, ‘well done honey, bring them here so I can boil them for you and make you some soup.’ However, my dad protested saying, ‘no. No. No honey, I don’t want boiled fish, grill them a bit and fry them later…’ before he could even finish a hot slap landed on to his face and then my mom asked him, ‘who is cooking? Is it you or me?’.”
“Fair enough.” Said the teacher smiling.
“I like how smart she is.”
Johnny laughed and said,
me too, but now I wanna start telling you about what happened in the fourth part. You’ll like it I bet you…” the teacher cut him off.
“Why fourth part? Tell me about what happened in the third part first.” Said the teacher before a surprising hot slap landed on her face.
“Dammit Johnny! What was that for?”
Johnny laughed at her and said,
“who is telling the story? Is it you or me?”
12/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17881
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says,
‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel..’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says,
‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
12/20/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17878
A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.
The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave.
Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house.
They don’t want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in.
The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn’t want the driver to know the house will be empty.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.
“He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.
“Sorry I took so long,” he says, as they drive away.
“Stupid lady was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. “
The cab driver hit a parked car.
12/19/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17875
A couple were out doing some Christmas shopping together.
The shopping centre was packed, and as the wife emerged from a shoe and handbag shop, she was surprised to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
Irritated because they had a lot to do, she called his mobile to ask him where he was.
In a subdued voice he replied,
“Do you remember that jewellery store we went into a couple of years ago, where you fell in love with that beautiful diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I promised that I would buy it for you one day?”
Barely able to contain her emotions and with tears already forming in her eyes, she said,
“Yes, of course I remember that shop.”
“Well, I’m in the pub next door to there.”
12/18/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17872
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake.
He didn’t bring his swimming trunks, but who cared? He was all alone.
So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.
He panicked, got out of the water, and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby.
He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.as they got closer.
The ladies looked at him and giggled.
Then one of the ladies said:
‘You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.’
‘Impossible’, said the embarrassed man,
‘You really know what I think?’
‘Yes’, the lady replied,
‘Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.’