05/14/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18394
An old man of about 70 years age went to the Bank to give his life certificate.
The young cute lady was very nice and polite.
She thanked him and said “OK Sir”.
He asked her “Do you think that I am alive?”
She was shocked. She looked at him and he smiled.
He said
“Miss, you did not check my pulse, you did not check my heartbeat, you neither checked my eyes’ reaction for mental activity. So how did you conclude that I
am still alive?”
She smiled mischievously, looked at him and said
“Sir, if you think you are not alive, please bring your DEATH CERTIFICATE”.
They both laughed heartily.
Nice flirtation at 70!!!.
05/13/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18391
Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation.
“It’s terrible,” she said to the doctor.
“I haven’t moved my bowels in more than a week.”
“I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.
“Oh, yes,” Aunt Cora replied,
“I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night.”
“No,” the doctor said,
“I mean do you take anything?”
“Of course I do.” she answered,
“I take a magazine.”
05/12/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18388
A wise old man was sitting at the river bank.
He saw a cat that had fallen into the river struggling to save itself from drowning.
The man decided to save the cat.
He stretched out his hand towards the cat but the cat scratched him.
He pulled his hand back in pain.
However, a few minutes later he stretched out his hand again to save the cat, but it scratched him again, and again he pulled his hand back in pain.
A few minutes later he was again trying for the third time!
A man, who was nearby watching what was happening, yelled out,
“O wise man, you have not learned your lesson the first time, nor the second time, and now you are trying to save the cat a third time?”
The wise man paid no heed to that man’s scolding and kept on trying until he managed to save the cat.
He then walked over to the man and patted his shoulder saying:
“My son It is in the cat’s nature to scratch, and it is in my nature to love and have sympathy.
Why do you want me to let the cat’s nature overcome mine?
“My son, treat people according to your nature, not according to theirs, no matter what they are like and no matter how numerous their actions that
harm you and cause you pain sometimes. And do not pay heed to all the voices that loudly call out to you to leave behind your good qualities merely
because the other party is not deserving of your noble actions.
So never regret the moments you gave happiness to someone, even if that person did not deserve it.
Jesus treats us according to His nature, just think where we would be if He were to treat us as per our nature.
That is why He saves us in spite of ourselves.
05/11/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18383
One day, Marie sent her little boy Johnny down to the pond to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in the water,
he saw two big eyes looking back at him from the water.
He dropped the bucket and hightailed it back to the kitchen.
“Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Marie asked him.
“I can’t get any water from that pond, Momma” cried Johnny.
“There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down dere!”
“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, johnny. He’s been there for a few years now, and he ain’t never hurt nobody. Cher, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Well, Momma,” replied Johnny,
” if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then dat water ain’t fit to drink!”
05/10/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18380
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long train journey.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.
“I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00,” he says.
This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
“What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?”
The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer,
“What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.
The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.
He wakes the senior up and asks,
“Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
The senior reaches into his pocket hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep.
Age will overcome youth and technology anytime.