05/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18445
Wife: I heard you have a new secretary today?
Husband: yes.
Wife: Is she smart?
Husband: yes.
Wife: Is she pretty?
Husband: yes.
Wife: How did she dress today?
Husband:Very quickly.
05/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18441
A young couple moves into a new neighbourhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
The young woman sees her neighbour hanging the wash outside…
“That laundry is not very clean”, she said.
“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”
Her husband looked on but remained silent.
Every time her neighbour would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
“Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.”
The husband said,
“I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
05/27/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18437
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.
They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.
The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half.
He places one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife.
He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them.
As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering
“That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”
As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table.
He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man replies that they’re just fine – they’re just used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman says “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”
As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks
“May I ask what is it you are waiting for?”
The old woman answers
“The teeth.”
05/26/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18434
A man was in hurry to catch a train in time.
So he asks a farmer near a field,
“Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says,
“Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
05/25/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18431
A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university.
She says to the children
“Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now.”
After a little while Johnny stands up.
The teacher asks him
“why did you stand up Johnny? Do you really think you are stupid?”
Johnny replies
“No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself”.