Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately, the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions:

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “Tying their belts”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Checking the system.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Looking for my people.”

Officer: “After 10′ minutes what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Serving the travellers.”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Eating & throwing.”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Makeup.”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Nothing.”

Officer: “Just before the plane crash what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “All were sleeping.”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the air hostess.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering!”

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time,

So the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly,

“Good morning, Johnny.”

“Good morning, Pastor,”

he replied, still focused on the plaque.

“Pastor, what is this?”

The pastor replied,

“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Johnny’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

“Which service, the 8:00 or the 9:30?”

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town.

The waiter sits them and says,

“Our special today is duck or shrimp.”

The man replies,

“I want a T-bone steak medium-well.”

The waiter, a bit miffed continues,

“What about the mad cow?”

The man looks at the waiter and says,

“She can order for herself.”

A wife was frying some eggs one morning when suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

He shouted, “Careful, Careful! Put some more butter in! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Tum them now! We need more butter. They’re going to stick! Careful.

I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking. Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget.

Use the salt. THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him in amazement, “What is wrong with you? I know how to fry a couple of eggs.”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over.

One of the bees says,

“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”

It works until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says,

“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”

It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.

This time the squirrel chimes in and says,

“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”

But the man says,

“Don’t bother, she only runs on BP.”