Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A little old lady answered a knock on her door one day to find a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man.

“If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I’d like to demonstrate the latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”

The old lady responded,

“Go away! I don’t have any money,” and began to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

“Don’t be too hasty! Let me show you what this vacuum can do.”

He then dumped a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t remove every trace of this mess, I’ll eat the rest of it myself.”

The old lady stepped back, smiled, and said,

“Well, I hope you’ve got a big appetite because they cut off my electricity this morning!”

Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning:

Windows are totally frozen, will not open.

Husband replies:

“Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”

15 minutes later, the wife texts back:

“Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said,

“What was that?”

The guy smiled at her,

“Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

A man eagerly waited at the train station to pick up his mother-in-law, who was visiting for the first time in a while.

After spotting her, he greeted her with a smile and helped load her heavy suitcases into the car.

As they drove in silence for a while, the man nervously asked,

“So, how long are you planning to stay with us?”

His mother-in-law, with a knowing smile, replied,

“I’m planning to stay as long as you want me to!”

The man thought for a moment, smiled back, and said,

“What, so short?”

Little Johnny is riding with his Uncle Bob in his new Mercedes.

Johnny points at the star emblem on the front and asks,

“Uncle Bob, what’s that star for?”

Uncle Bob grins and says,

“Oh, that’s my guide—it helps me stay on course.”

A few minutes later, Uncle Bob narrowly misses a cyclist, and Little Johnny laughs,

“Good thing it’s there! Without it, we might need more than just a map!”