Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.

Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.

But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.

When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.

A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.

The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.

When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.

One cow says,

“Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”

The two bulls laugh and reply,

“We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”

Michael was thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.

He asked God:

“Why did you make her so kind-hearted?”

The Lord responded:

“So you could love her my son”

Next question:

“Why did you make her so good-looking?”

Reply: “So you could love her my son”

Third one: “Why did you make her such a good cook?”

Response: “So you could love her my son”

Michael thought about this for a while, and then he said:

“I don’t mean to seem ungrateful or anything. But why did you make her so stupid?”

Without hesitation came the answer:

“So she could love you, my son.

Little Johnny and Billy are walking to the church for the Sunday prayer.

Billy wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying:

Little Johnny. “Why don’t you ask the Priest?”

So, Billy goes up to the Priest and asks.

“Father, may I smoke while I pray?”

The Priest replies.

“No, my son, you may not! That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Billy goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Little Johnny says.

“I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

And so Little Johnny goes up to the Priest and asks.

“Father, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which the Priest eagerly replies.

“By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to.”

Moral of the story:

The approval you want depends on the way you ask for it…

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school.

It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet.

Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money – fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said We’ve got to give it back.

Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money and knocked on their door.

Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?

Sally said, No.

Jerry said She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile

The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.

One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.

Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …….

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We’re outta here!

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.

The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.

She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

The husband texted back to her:

“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”