Daily Joke: Jokes Library

After 150 days off flooding,

Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers,

but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

“Why have you not multiplied?” he asked.

To which the snakes responded,

“we can’t, we’re adders.”

Noah being a quick thinker went off into the woods to fell some trees, and fastened them together into a platform.

He then placed the snakes on the platform and lo and behold the snakes immediately laid a clutch of eggs

Because you see, even adders can multiply on a log table

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.

He has 26 deers.

Seeing as the had 26 deer,

they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet.

So he name a single alphabet to single deer

As they’re herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.

“One of them’s missing,” said the first man.

“Oh dear.”

An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room

The grandfather says to his grand daughter;

‘ Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya’

The grand daughter says;

‘ Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it’s the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now’.

‘Here take my phone’,

she hands over her phone to the old man.

The grandfather then takes her phone and throws it at the spider sitting on the wall

One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot.

So he thought he’d give a hoot back.

To his surprise and delight, the bird hooted again.

The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.

He even kept a log of the “conversations.”

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next-door neighbour.

“My husband spends his nights calling to owls,” the wife commented.

“That’s odd,” the neighbour replied.

“So does my husband.”

A Psychiatrist Had No Patients In His Office.

Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs.

His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic.

He was holding strange objects in his hands.

He was dragging cables along behind himself.

The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed,

“And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake…”

The man shook his head.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice your legs. You’re a dragon, right?” The man shook his head again angrily.

“Sorry… a worm?” The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.

“Go to hell, you idiot! I’m the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!”