08/19/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18757
A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip:
An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says.
“I’ve just been molested!”
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream..
So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just flurted.
The driver thought he had a busload of old wackos, but who would be flurting with these old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she’d too.
The bus driver decides that he’d had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
“Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?” Says the bus driver.
“I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!”
08/22/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18755
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
They are enjoying their time,
While talking with each other,
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
“Oh no, I look like a pig!”
The man nods,
“And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”
08/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18753
A Help desk guy speaking to an old lady user…
Help desk: Double click on “My Computer”.
An Old Lady: I can’t see your computer…
Help desk: No… click on “My Computer” on your computer.
An Old Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer???!!
Help desk: there is an icon labelled “My Computer” on your computer… double click on it…
An Old Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer??!!!
08/20/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18751
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
“Oh! We have. wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.
The Texan immediately says,
“We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, “And what are those?”
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look,
“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
08/18/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18750
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience would be different each week,
so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem:
The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:
Look, it’s not the same hat.
Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything, it was the captain’s parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sunk.
The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said:
OK. I give up. What’d you do with the boat ?