10/31/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19217
An elderly priest dies and goes to heaven.
He soon finds himself in a line of souls going to St. Peter to enter heaven.
In no time at all, there’s only one person in front of him.
St Peter tells the man “ah yes, state your name and occupation”
The man replies ” Will Snicket, a taxi driver in New York City”
St Peter looks at his list for a moment and says
“yes, take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the kingdom of the Lord”
The priest is next, St Peter asks him ” your name and occupation”
“Father Samuel, minister of the church of God”, the priest eagerly replies.
After perusing his list for a moment St Peter looks at the priest and says
” very well, take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the kingdom of the Lord”
At hearing this the priest is indignant,
” what, but I’ve been faithfully serving the Lord all my life, why did that taxi driver get such amazing treatment compared to me”.
St Peter stares silently at the priest.
Finally, he replies,
” my child, up here we work by results. While you preached people slept, but while he drove, people prayed”.
10/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19213
Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young son’s room.
She finally had to ask:
“Johnny, why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?”
He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar.
The mother quickly replied.
“God gave it to you? How did this happen?”
“Well Mom, you give me a dollar to give to God.”
“So before church every Sunday I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he’ll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me.”
10/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19208
A lion, a tiger, a cheetah and a mouse fell in a hole.
After hours of trying to escape,
they finally gave up and accepted their fate.
Soon enough, they started to get hungry.
The tiger proposed,
“Let’s start by eating the weakest animal.”
The cheetah agreed, but the mouse stood up and said,
“If you touch the lion, I’ll kick you!”
10/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19204
A husband sends a text to his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office.
Tina brought me to the hospital.
They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious.
Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife’s Response:
Who is Tina?
10/27/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19198
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee, when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn’t stand the curiosity.
He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:
“I am so sorry for your loss and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
“My wife’s.”
”What happened to her?”
“She yelled at me and my dog attacked her.”
He inquired further. “But who is in the second hearse?” The man answered.
“My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”
A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
“Can I borrow the dog?”
The man replied. “Get in line.”