10/26/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19194
An elderly man had serious hearing problems ….
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
“Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied,
“Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
10/25/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19188
A television crew comes to the farm to interview the shepherd about his daily routine.
“Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?” asks the reporter.
“Oh, yeah sure,” starts the shepherd, “So first I wake up, but I really don’t want to, so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day.
Then I have a nice breakfast and head out to check on my sheep. They usually ignore me. After that, I take a break and sit down with my dog to watch the clouds go by.
If the sun is shining, I might even take a nap! Finally, I gather the sheep and head back home, hoping the day ends
with a good dinner and maybe a little more brandy.”
10/24/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19183
At the zoo, a kid says to his mother Jokingly:
“mom, look, look, that monkey looks really like my brother”.
His mother looked at him and said calmly :
“Lower your voice, don’t say that, he can hear you”.
The kid replied:
“Don’t worry mom, monkeys don’t understand our language”.
10/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19178
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wife loved antiques,
he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
The genie smiled and… Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old.
10/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#19172
A new retirement home opened up in the community with separate floors for men and for women.
After the first few weeks of being open all the residents were called into the recreation room so staff could explain the rules.
It was emphasized that after hours there would be no men on the women’s floor or women on the men’s floor and anyone caught violating the rule would be
fined $25 for the first offense, $50 for the second offense, and $100 for the third offense.
A hand went up in the back of the room followed by the question:
“How much for a season pass?”