Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A Drow Elf, a High Elf, and a Wood Elf were stranded on a desert island.

They found an old lamp, rubbed it to clean it, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

“I will grant you three wishes,” proclaimed the genie,

“one for each of you.”

“I wish to return to my city!” said the High Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his home.

“I wish to return to the forest!” said the Wood Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his forest kingdom.

The Drow Elf looked around at the desert island, utterly alone, and unable to return to his home after his exile.

“I’m lonely,” he said, “I wish they’d both come back!”

There once was an elderly man who sold flowers in a small town and did quite well for himself.

Across the street some monks opened a flower shop as well and gave all their profits to charity and underpriced the man.

The man had to do something or lose his business so at first he begged.

But nothing he tried got them to leave.

He then hired a man named Hugh who promised to solve his problem.

The next morning the monks were packing up and moving away.

Moral of the story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Two men were waiting at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them started complaining about his family problems.

After listening for a while, the other man said,

“You think you have family problems? Let me tell you about mine…

A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married.

Then, my dad married my stepdaughter.

That made my stepdaughter my stepmother, and my dad became my stepson-in-law. Also, my wife became the mother-in-law to her own father-in-law.

But it gets more complicated. My stepmother—who is my stepdaughter—had a son.

This boy is my half-brother because he’s my dad’s son, but he’s also my wife’s grandson.

That makes me the grandfather of my own half-brother!

It didn’t stop there. My wife and I later had a son.

So now, the half-sister of my son—my stepmother—is also his grandmother.

And my dad, who is his brother-in-law, is the stepbrother of my dad’s wife!”

The other man blinked, trying to process everything, before finally fainting from the confusion.

An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.

“I see spots before my eyes,” he said.

“It’s due to old age,” said the doctor.

“No food agrees with me,” said the man.

“That too is due to old age,” said the doctor.

“The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.”

“My back is giving trouble,” persisted the man.

“Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.”

“Old age,” said the doctor.

This was too much for the man.

“Why do you go on saying ‘old age, old age’,” he screamed.

“If you cannot cure me, say so. I’ll go elsewhere.”

“See how easily you lost you temper,” said the doctor.

“That is another characteristic of old age.”

At last, old man slaps him, doctor asks,

“Why did you slap me?”

Old man said

“This is also due to old age, you see”

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment –
shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

“I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said,

“Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.”

“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy.

“He just walked up, took me by the hand and said,

‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’”