Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited:

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her,

“Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”

The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house,

“Roger, the pig that shat in your trombone is here!”

An old lady comes in for her medical check-up:

“Doctor Ribbit, you remember how you warned me that I should avoid going up and down stairs as much as I can?”

“Yes,” agrees the doctor,

“the last X-rays made that very clear Mrs. Jenkins.”

“You know, I’m not sure it was such a great idea doctor… I have to say all that climbing up and down the rainwater downpipe is becoming quite hard!”

The Wife Ask Her Husband The Three Magical Words.

Wife: Darling, it was such a hard day. Can you tell me the three magical words that always make me so happy?

Husband: You are right.

Wife: Very funny, no, the other ones.

Husband: I was wrong.

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying,

“You can’t take it with you.

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases.

He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.

His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool,” she exclaimed.

“I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.”

An egg and a chicken sit in a doctor’s waiting room.

As they sitting there,

They are staring at each other.

Not knowing there is egg and chicken, the nurse is busy with her work.

Then nurse walks out of the office and asks,

“Alright, which one of you came first?”

“Seriously!” shouts the chicken,

” Here, too?!”