Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Sir Gwilym and his men returned to the king’s castle bearing bags of gold, and a half a dozen slave women, fruits of plundering the land for a week.

“Where have you been all this time, Sir Gwilym?” asked the king.

“I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all week, sire, burning the villages of your enemies in the north.”

“But I don’t have any enemies in the north,” protested the king.

“You have now, sire.”

A knight went off to fight in the Holy Crusades but before leaving he made his wife wear a chastity belt. After tightly securing it to her, he handed the key to his best friend with the instruction: “If I do not return within seven years, unlock my wife and set her free to lead a normal life.”

The knight then rode off on the first leg of his journey to the Holy Land, but he had only traveled barely an hour when he was suddenly aware of the sound of pounding hooves behind him. He turned to see that it was his best friend.

“what is the problem?” asked the knight.

His best friend replied: “You gave me the wrong key.”

The Town I come from is so small our town drunk and our mayor are the same man;

But I do a damn fine job.

To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from jury duty. “Tell me,” rapped the judge, “is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in the trial?”

The man replied: “I don’t want to be away from my job that long.”

“Can’t they do without you at work?” demanded the judge.

“Yes,” admitted the juror. “But I don’t want them to realize it.”

A man was forced to take a day off work to appear in court on a minor charge. After waiting all day for his case to be heard, he was finally called before the judge late in the afternoon. But no sooner had the defendant stood in the dock than the judge announced that the court would be adjourneduntil the following day.

“This is an outrage!” shouted the defendant.

Tired at the end of a long day, the judge rapped back: “Twenty dollars, contempt of court!”

Then noticing the defendant checking his wallet, the judge softened and said: “It’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

“I wasn’t going to,” replied the defendant. “I was just seeing if I have enough money for two more words!”