Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have three possible donors. The first donor is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second donor is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. And, the third donor is an
attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?”

“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the lawyer’s heart. “It was easy,” explained the patient, “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”

One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his polar bear son were sitting in the snow. The cub turned to his father and said: “Dad, am I 100 percent polar bear?”

“Of course, son” replied the father. “you are 100 percent polar bear”

A few minutes later the cub turned to his father again and said: “Dad, tell me the truth, I can take it. Am I 100 percent polar bear? No brown bear or black bear or grizzly bear?”

The father put a loving paw on the son’s head. “Son,” he said “I am 100 percent polar bear, your mother is 100 percent polar bear, so you are definitely 100 percent polar bear.”

The cub seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father and once more said: “Look, Dad, I don’t want you saying this just to spare my feelings. I have to know: am I 100 percent polar bear?”

By now the father is becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: “Why do you keep asking if you are 100 percent polar bear?”

The cub replied: “Because I’m freezing!!!”

A guy appeared in court for killing his wife after catching her in bed with another man. Passing sentence, the judge said:

“Can I ask, why did you kill your wife instead of just killing her lover?”

The defendant replied: “But your honor, is it not better that I just killed her rather than a different man each week?”

Two accountants were in a bank when a gang of armed robbers burst in. While some of the robbers snatched bundles of cash from the tellers, others lined the customers up against the wall and relieved them of their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

As the robbers made their way down the line, one accountant pressed something into the hand of the other accountant. “What’s this?” said the second accountant without looking down.

His colleague replied: “It’s that $100 I owe you.”

A man returned to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end of the car. There was no sign of the offending vehicle, but he was relieved to see that there was a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

The note read: “Sorry I just backed into your car. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I’m leaving my name, address and other particulars, But I’m not.”