Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A guy is telling one of his colleagues at work: “You know, I never realized just how much my wife loved me until I was off sick last week. When the milkman and postman walked down the drive, she ran out and shouted excitedly: ‘My husband’s home!'”

After celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a romantic dinner at a restaurant, the wife thanked her husband for a wonderful evening.

“It’s not over yet,” he said, and once back at the house, he presented her with a little black velvet box. She opened it in eager anticipation, but found nothing more than two pills inside.

“What are these pills?” she asked, puzzled.

“Aspirin.”

“But I don’t have a headache.”

“Gotcha!” he cried triumphantly.

A woman walked into a gun shop and asked for help in choosing a rifle “It’s for my husband,” she said.

“Okay,” said the sales clerk. “Did he say what caliber he wanted?”

“No he didn’t,” said the woman. “In fact, he doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him yet.”

An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”

A lawyer called his client to tell him about the schedule for his fee payments.

“right,” said the lawyer, “you owe me $1,000 up front, and then $509.75 each month for the next 36 months.”

“What?” exclaimed the client. “That sounds like the payment schedule on a new car!”

“You’re right,” said the lawyer, “My new BMW.”