Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A drunk staggered down to hotel reception and demanded a change of room. He was so insistent that the receptionist was forced to call the manager.

“What seems to be the problem?” asked the manager.

“I want another room,” said the drunk.

“But I see you’re in room 341. That’s one of the best rooms in the hotel.”

“I don’t care. I want another room.”

“Very well sir. If you’re adamant, we can move you from 341 to 362. But would you mind telling me what you don’t like about your room?”

“Well,” said the drunk, “for one thing, it’s on fire.”

When a patient regained conciousness after an operation, the surgeon told her: “I’m really sorry, but I’m affraid we’re going to have to open you up again. You see, unfortunately I left my rubber gloves inside you.”

The patient said: “Well, if that’s all it is, I’d prefer you to leave me alone and I’ll buy you a new pair.”

A man was visiting a friend in the hospital. He had recently quit smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he stepped into the elevator. But a woman who was already in the elevator told him firmly: “Sir, there is no smoking in this hospital!”

“I’m not smoking, lady,” replied the man.

“But you have a cigar in your mouth!”

“Yes, and I’m wearing jockey shorts, but I’m not riding a horse!”

Pacing back and forth, a man was getting really anxios about his imminent operation.

His wife asked him: “What’s the matter? Why are you getting so worked up?”

He replied: “I heard one of the nurses say ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be all right.'”

“She was just trying to comfort you,” said his wife. “What’s so frightening about that?”

“She was talking to the surgeon!”

A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia.

“Have you tried counting sheep?” suggested the doctor.

“It doesn’t work,” replied the boxer. “whenever I get to nine, I stand up!”