Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The conductor turned to the violin student and said: “You should have taken up the violin earlier”

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”

A woman answered the front door to find a workman standing on the porch and carrying a box of tools.

“I’m the piano tuner ma’am” he announced.

“But I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

“I know, but the neighbors did!”

A little boy thanked his grandfather for the set of drums he bought him for his birthday. “They’re the best present I’ve ever had,” he said. “They’ve already made me $80.”

“Wow!” said the grandfather. “You must have learned to play them real good!”

“Not really,” said the boy. “But Mom gives me $5 not to play during the day, an Dad gives me $5 not to play in the evening.”

After hearing a sermon about lies and deceit, a man wrote the IRS: “I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I have reviewed my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $900. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-A-Lotta-Puss!!!

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Lap-A-Lotta-Dong!!!