Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit. “What happened to you the friend asked?” “Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it, but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I went around again, but we went by so quickly that I still couldn’t see what the sign said. By now I was determined, so I went around a third time. As we reached the top I stood up in the car to get a better view.”

“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked his friend.

“Yes, remain seated at all times!”

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.

Snowman As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”

The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, “Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”

In search of a Christmas tree, two blondes ventured deep into the forest. After hours of braving sub-zero temperatures and biting wind, one blonde turned to the other and wearily said: “I’m chopping down the next tree I see, I don’t care if it’s decorated or not.”

A blonde teenager went for an interview at a major retail store. The woman conducting the interview said: “I see from your application form under ‘previous employment’ you have put ‘babysitter’. Would you mind telling me what your reason for leaving was?”

“Yes,” replied the blonde. “They came home.”

Two country doctors were discussing the population explosion. One said: “This crazy birth rate is getting so bad that soon there ain’t gonna be room for everybody. It’s gonna be standing room only on this here planet.”

“Well,” said his colleague, “that sure oughta slow ’em down a bit!”