Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said: “My God, you’re ugly!”

His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred.

Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly: “Aunt Mildred, I’m sorry you’re so ugly.”

A small boy came running out of the bathroom in tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked his father.

“I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet.”

“Okay, don’t worry, but we’d better throw it out”

So the father fished the toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the boy was holding another toothbrush.

“Isn’t that my toothbrush?” the father said.

“Yes,” said the boy, “and we’d better throw this one out too, because it fell in the toilet four days ago.”

On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Daniel.

‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.

‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

While a little boy was at school, his cat died. Worried about how he would take the news when he got home, his mother consoled him and said: “Don’t worry , darling. Tiger is in Heaven with God now.”

The boy looked at her and said: “What’s God gonna do with a dead cat?”

Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
had put in the ground. “Fifteen” was the answer.

“Not bad, not bad at all,” the foreman said.

Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. “Four” was
the answer.

“Four?” the foreman yelled. “The others did fifteen, and you only did four?”

“Yes,” replied the leader of the blonde group, “But go look at how much they
left sticking out of the ground.”