Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Just before the funeral service, the undertaker went over to the widow and asked: “How old was your husband?”

“Ninety-eight,” she answered. “Two years older than me.”

“So you’re ninety-six,” said the undertaker. “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

Two newlyweds quickly realized their marriage wasn’t working and filed for a divorce. The judge asked them what the problem was.

The husband replied: “In the five weeks that we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.”

The judge turned to the wife: “Have you anything to say?”

She answered: “It’s been six weeks, your honor.”

A funeral procession made its way down the road. Six close members of the family were carrying the coffin between them. On top of the coffin was a fishing line, a net, and some bait.

A passer-by remarked: “He must’ve been a very keen fisherman.”

“Oh, he still is,” remarked another “He’s off to the river as soon as they’ve buried his wife.”

A guy asked for a goodnight kiss, but the girl rebuffed him haughtily, saying: “I don’t do that sort of thing on my first date!”

“Well,” he said sarcastically, “how about on your last date?”

A jealous guy caught his girlfriend talking quietly on the phone and immediately confronted her over his suspicions.

“Who was that you were talking to?” he demanded. “Is there somebody else?”

“Of coarse not” she groaned. “Do you honestly think I’d be going out with a loser like you if there was somebody else?”