Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, “Great. He’s four and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”

“Just one,” gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

“How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”

Two men were drinking in a bar. One of the men who was very drunk said: “I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye.”

The second guy, thought it would be easy taking money from a drunk, so he said: “Okay, you’re on.”

The drunk then took his glass eye out and bit it. And the second guy had to pay the $100.

A while later, the drunk said: “I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye.”

Knowing that the drunk couldn’t possibly have two glass eyes, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to see, the second guy accepted the challenge, confident that he would win his money back.

The drunk promptly took out his false teeth and bit his other eye.

After examining a male patient, a doctor took the man’s wife aside.

“I must be honest with you,” he said in an ominous tone, “I don’t like the looks of your husband.”

“Me neither,” said the wife. “But he brings home a good wage, and he’s great with the kids.” 

A man came home one day and said to his wife: “Honey, what would you do if I said I’d won the lottery?”

She sneered: “I’d take half and then leave you.”

“Excellent,” he replied. “I hit 3 numbers and won $10. Here’s $5, pack your bags and get out.”

A wife was talking to her husband about reincarnation.

“What exactly is reincarnation?” he asked.

“It’s when you die and come back as something completely different,” she explained.

“So,” he suggested “I could come back as a pig?”

She sighed wearily. “You’re not listening, are you?”