Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of blood. He said: “Now boys, as you know, if I stood on my head, the blood would run into it and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” they chorused.

“So why is it,” asked the teacher, “that when I am standing upright, the blood doesn’t run into my feet and make them turn red, like my head?”

“A young voice from the back called out: “Because your feet aren’t empty!”

A teacher at an English school stood in front of a map of the world. “Jack,” she said, “can you show me where on this map America is?”

Jack pointed correctly to America.

“Now, Jenny,” continued the teacher, “can you tell me the name of the person who discovered America?”

Jenny said: “Yes ma’am, Jack did.”

Man walks into a bar and says “OUCH!”

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman.

“Anything from $2 to $2,000.”

“Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer.

The salesman put the device around the man’s neck, and said: “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket.”

“How does it work?” asked the customer.

“For $2, it doesn’t work,” said the salesman. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder.”

A preacher notorious for his lengthy sermons, watched as a man got up and left halfway through his message. The same man returned just before the finish.

Afterwards the preacher asked him where he had gone.

“I went to get a haircut,” said the man.

“Why didn’t you go before the service?” asked the preacher.

“I didn’t need one then!”