Daily Joke: Jokes Library

WHAY HAPPEN’S IF YOU VOTE A PE PUBLICAN IN OFFICE, SUCH AS ROMNEY/the world will end at a much faster pace,he get’s richer and you get poorer

Ways to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is “Bubba”.

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

And, The Number One Way To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer…

The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.

When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.

“How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud John to a deck hand.

“It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

A wife was standing in the kitchen one morning, preparing soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt she slept in. As her husband walked in, she turned to him and said: “You’ve got to make love to me right now, here, across the kitchen table.”

His eyes lit up. He could hardly believe his luck,  and before she could change her mind, he made love to her on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she hurriedly thanked him and returned to the stove, with her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but puzzled, he asked her: “What was all that about?”

“Oh,” she said. “The egg timer is broken.”