Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”

The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. “1,228,” he answered.

“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said “yes”.

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…”

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal.

“Oh”, she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”

On a trip to the mall, a couple agreed to split up, visit their favorite shops and meet up again in an hour and a half. So while he visited the bike shop and the sporting goods store, she concentrated on the biggest clothing store. When he met up with her ninety minutes later as arranged outside the clothing store, she was carrying a dozen bags filled with clothes.

“I don’t believe it!” he exclaimed. “Have you really bought all that?”

“Well yes,” she replied. Then gesturing towards the interior of the shop, she added: “But look at all the stuff I’m leaving behind.”

A married couple was shopping at the supermarket when the husband picked up a 12 pack of beer and put it in the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked the wife.

“Yhey’re on sale for $10 for 12 cans,” he explained.

“Put them back,” she demanded. “We can’t afford it.”

A few aisles later, she picked up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked the husband indignantly.

“It’s my face cream,” she said. “It makes me look beautiful.”

He said: “So do 12 cans of beer and they’re half the price!”