Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after the ambilical cords were cut. The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurence. “I guess they had a lot of practice.” said the doctor. “What do you mean, practice?” asked a junior colleague. “They were just born!” The doctor replied, “Well, it was standing womb only.”

A racehorse owner was furious with his jockey after the horse he rode came in dead last. “Could you not have raced any faster?” he raged.

“Sure I could have,” replied the jockey, “but you know we are supposed to supposed to stay on the horse.”

With his wife sick in bed, a man did the weekly supermarket shopping. By the time he reached the checkout, his cart was overflowing. Behind him in the line was a little old lady with just a loaf of bread and some butter.

He turned to her and said: “Is that all you have dear?”

Her face lit up. “Yes, it is.”

“Well,” he said, “if I were you I’d have a seat because I’m gonna be a while.” 

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”

The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!” The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”

To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”

Why does the Easter rabbit hide the eggs? Because he doesn’t want you to know he screwed the chickens.