Daily Joke: Jokes Library

After 25 years of marriage, a husband took a long look at his wife one day and said: “Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and I slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a sexy twenty-six year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car and a big bed, but I’m sleeping with a fifty-one year old woman. It seems that you’re not pulling your weight.”

She replied calmly: “Then why don’t you go out and find a sexy twenty-six year old blonde? And when you do, I’ll make sure once again that you’ll be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.”

A guy is telling one of his colleagues at work: “You know, I never realized just how much my wife loved me until I was off sick last week. When the milkman and postman walked down the drive, she ran out and shouted excitedly: ‘My husband’s home!'”

After celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a romantic dinner at a restaurant, the wife thanked her husband for a wonderful evening.

“It’s not over yet,” he said, and once back at the house, he presented her with a little black velvet box. She opened it in eager anticipation, but found nothing more than two pills inside.

“What are these pills?” she asked, puzzled.

“Aspirin.”

“But I don’t have a headache.”

“Gotcha!” he cried triumphantly.

A woman walked into a gun shop and asked for help in choosing a rifle “It’s for my husband,” she said.

“Okay,” said the sales clerk. “Did he say what caliber he wanted?”

“No he didn’t,” said the woman. “In fact, he doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him yet.”

An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”