Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man called up his lawyer and asked: “How much How much would you charge to answer three questions?” The lawyer thinks for a moment and said: “Two thousand dollars plus tax.”

“TWO THOUSAND!” cries the man. “That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose it is,” said the lawyer, after thinking a moment longer. “What’s your third question?”

A visitor at an asylum asks the director what the criteria are for defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the doctor, we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket as it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No,” replied the director. “A normal person would pull the drain plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?”

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” she said, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.” The doctor asks, “Mr Jones, what would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp too.”

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. When the priest tried to pay for the haircut, the barber refused, saying, “You do God’s work,” The next day the barber found a dozen Bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to accept money. “You protect the public,” he said. The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “You serve justice.” The next morning, the barber found 12 lawyers standing in line waiting for haircuts.

A farmer and his brand new wife were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, “That’s once.” A little farther down the road the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, “That’s twice.” A little while later the horse stumbled yet again. The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand-new wife yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.” The farmer responded, “That’s once.”