Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old man was asleep in his chair one afternoon when he was awoken by the sound of the doorbell. He shuffled to the door and when he opened it, he saw a beautiful young womanstanding there.

“Oh dear!” she said. “I’m at the wrong house.”

“Sweetheart, you’re at the right house,” the old guy assured her, “but you’re about 40 years too late!”

A Navy officer was walking through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and chanced upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on a table.

“Sailor!” the officer boomed. “Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?”

“No, sir,” replied the sailor, “but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either!”

The conductor turned to the violin student and said: “You should have taken up the violin earlier”

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”

A woman answered the front door to find a workman standing on the porch and carrying a box of tools.

“I’m the piano tuner ma’am” he announced.

“But I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

“I know, but the neighbors did!”

A little boy thanked his grandfather for the set of drums he bought him for his birthday. “They’re the best present I’ve ever had,” he said. “They’ve already made me $80.”

“Wow!” said the grandfather. “You must have learned to play them real good!”

“Not really,” said the boy. “But Mom gives me $5 not to play during the day, an Dad gives me $5 not to play in the evening.”