Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young woman went to see a fortune teller who told her: “You will be broke and unhappy till you are fifty.”

“What happens when I’m fifty?” asked the young woman.

“Nothing,” said the fortune teller. “But you’ll be used to it by then.”

A new receptionist started work in a psychiatrist’s office, but at the end of her first day he felt he had to have a quietword with her.

“Your general approach is fine,” he said, “but try saying ‘We’re very busy’ rather than ‘It’s a madhouse.'”

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress.

“You call this progress?” snapped the patient. “Six months ago, I was Abraham Lincoln. Now I’m nobody!”

One day a woman was eating some potato chips and one dropped into her cleavage so she had an idea to rename the chip a poTITo chip.