Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A woman met a preacher in the street and asked him: “Does your church welcome all denominations?”

“Yes,” he replied, “but we prefer tens and twenties.”

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

“I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.” “That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!'”

A priest approached a small boy on the street and said: “Could you tell me where the Post Office is, please?”

The boy gave him directions and the priest said: “Thank you. If you come to my sermon tonight, I will tell you how to get to Heaven.”

“I don’t think so,” said the boy. “You don’t even know how to get to the Post Office!”

Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in the back of a trailer, drinking a beer and talking about life.

Billy-Bob said: “If I snuck over to your house while you were out fishing and had sex with your wife, and she got pregnant, would that make us kin?”

Bubba scratched his head for a bit and said: “I don’t think so…but it sure would make us even.”

A ventriloquist set up a cart in a shopping mall, selling dummies and books of his art, but the business was desperately slow. After 3 months he had hardly made any money and feared that he would have to close down as he could no longer afford the rent. Eventually he confided in his accountant, who suggested: “Why don’t you try something completely different? Another client of mine is making a fortune as a psychic, conducting séances. That’s where the money is these days.”

So the ventriloquist changed his cart and set up business as a psychic offering 3 different rates for his service – $30, $50, and $100.

On his first day, a woman asked him about conducting a séance to contact her dead husband.

“Certainly, madam. As you can see there are three different prices of séance – $30, $50, and $100.

“What do I get for $30?” she inquired.

“For $30 you get to talk to your dead husband.”

“And for $50?”

“For $50 you get to talk to him, and he talks back.”

“And what do I get for $100?”

“For $100, you talk to him and he talks back to you while I drink a glass of water.”