Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A couple had been married 50 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows. They were discussing the details of their second wedding with their friends. She wasn’t going to wear a traditional bridal gown, and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with her dress. She replied, “Silver.” At that point, her husband chimed in, “Yep, silver… to match her hair.” Shooting a glaring look at his bald spot, her friend shot back, “So I guess you’re going barefoot.”

A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, “Will you buy booze?” The bum said, “No.” The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?” The bum said, “No.” Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

A husband got in big trouble after forgetting his wedding anniversary. His wife gave him an ultimatum: “Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat.”

The next morning the man woke his wife, and urged her to look out the windowat the driveway. She did and let out a scream when she saw what he bought her … a bathroom scale.

A man is driving in America when he picks up a Navajo man hitchhiking. They are making small talk when the Navajo notices a brown paper bag with something in it. The driver notices his glance and explains, "That's a bottle of wine I got for my wife." The Navajo man nods solemnly, "Good trade."

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her 
place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect 
opportunity. 
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy 
walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of 
them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and 
window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over 
the bed. 
Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" 
She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."