Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

A wife was standing in the kitchen one morning, preparing soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt she slept in. As her husband walked in, she turned to him and said: “You’ve got to make love to me right now, here, across the kitchen table.”

His eyes lit up. He could hardly believe his luck,  and before she could change her mind, he made love to her on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she hurriedly thanked him and returned to the stove, with her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but puzzled, he asked her: “What was all that about?”

“Oh,” she said. “The egg timer is broken.”

A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of blood. He said: “Now boys, as you know, if I stood on my head, the blood would run into it and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” they chorused.

“So why is it,” asked the teacher, “that when I am standing upright, the blood doesn’t run into my feet and make them turn red, like my head?”

“A young voice from the back called out: “Because your feet aren’t empty!”

A teacher at an English school stood in front of a map of the world. “Jack,” she said, “can you show me where on this map America is?”

Jack pointed correctly to America.

“Now, Jenny,” continued the teacher, “can you tell me the name of the person who discovered America?”

Jenny said: “Yes ma’am, Jack did.”

Man walks into a bar and says “OUCH!”