Daily Joke: Jokes Library

On a trip to the mall, a couple agreed to split up, visit their favorite shops and meet up again in an hour and a half. So while he visited the bike shop and the sporting goods store, she concentrated on the biggest clothing store. When he met up with her ninety minutes later as arranged outside the clothing store, she was carrying a dozen bags filled with clothes.

“I don’t believe it!” he exclaimed. “Have you really bought all that?”

“Well yes,” she replied. Then gesturing towards the interior of the shop, she added: “But look at all the stuff I’m leaving behind.”

A married couple was shopping at the supermarket when the husband picked up a 12 pack of beer and put it in the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked the wife.

“Yhey’re on sale for $10 for 12 cans,” he explained.

“Put them back,” she demanded. “We can’t afford it.”

A few aisles later, she picked up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked the husband indignantly.

“It’s my face cream,” she said. “It makes me look beautiful.”

He said: “So do 12 cans of beer and they’re half the price!”

“How are you doing?” said a young guy bumping into his friend at the bar.

“I was fine…until last night.”

“Why? What happened?”

“My girlfriend and I were talking about how many people we had slept with.”

“Oh, what did she say?”

“She said she could count the number of guys she’s slept with on one hand.”

“That’s good, surely?”

“Yeah, I was relieved…but then I saw she was holding a calculator.”

If you think Cancun is the way you buy racoon at the grocery store,(YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK).

A guy was standing glumly at the bar.

“What’s up?” asked his friend.

“My wife suggested we should play some sex games to spice up our love lives.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“Well, unfortunately ‘Guess who I shagged last night?’ didn’t go down too well.”