Daily Joke: Jokes Library

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, two young church members were going door to door to invite people to visit their services. When they knocked on one door, it was immediately clear the woman who answered was not happy to see them.

She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and before they could say anything more, she slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close; in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really putting her back into it, and slammed it again with the same result – the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in her door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of them said quietly: “Ma’am, before you do that again, you really need to move your cat.”

Two little ladies were shopping in the mall when Joanne smiled: “My cat can really play chess!”

With a shocking expression, Angelina praised Joanne’s cat: “Really? It must be very smart!”

Just when Angelina finished her sentence, Joanne said:” Well… Actually, I don’t know about that. I usually win three out of four times.”

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.

Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell you are doing?!”

“Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” the guy replied.
“I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?”

A husband and wife enter a dentist’s office. The Wife says, “I want a
tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible
hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave woman,” says the dentist, “Now, show me which tooth it
is.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “Open your mouth and show the
dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were in a wilderness chased by police and their dogs. They got tired running so they each climbed a tree.
The police dogs came and started barking on a tree with the brunette on it. The brunette cried “COOO COOO” The police said it’s just a pigeon up there. The dogs then barked on a tree with the redhead on it. The redhead cried “HOOO HOOO” The police said it’s just an owl up there. The dogs then came to the tree with the blonde on it. The blond cried “MOOO MOOO”.