Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A husband and wife were with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “It’s all about education,” she continued. “He took a communication course in college and I studied drama. He communicates very well and I act like I’m listening.”

Hi, and you are?

Im high too.

Two small boys met during their first day at school. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My daddy is a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the normal kind,” replied Tommy.

A man called up his lawyer and asked: “How much How much would you charge to answer three questions?” The lawyer thinks for a moment and said: “Two thousand dollars plus tax.”

“TWO THOUSAND!” cries the man. “That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose it is,” said the lawyer, after thinking a moment longer. “What’s your third question?”

A visitor at an asylum asks the director what the criteria are for defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the doctor, we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket as it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No,” replied the director. “A normal person would pull the drain plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?”