Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. “The headline shouted, “12 Brazillian Soldiers Killed.” She shook her head at the sad news, then she turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, “How many is a Brazillian?”

A farmer walks up to an outhouse and finds a man fishing around in the hole with a long stick. The farmer asks what the man is doing and the man replies, “I dropped my jacket down there and I;m trying to get it back.” The farmer says, “Are you crazy? Are you really gonna wear the jacket after it’s been down there?” The Man says, “Oh, no way!  But there’s a sandwich in one of the pockets.”

A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after the ambilical cords were cut. The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurence. “I guess they had a lot of practice.” said the doctor. “What do you mean, practice?” asked a junior colleague. “They were just born!” The doctor replied, “Well, it was standing womb only.”

A racehorse owner was furious with his jockey after the horse he rode came in dead last. “Could you not have raced any faster?” he raged.

“Sure I could have,” replied the jockey, “but you know we are supposed to supposed to stay on the horse.”

With his wife sick in bed, a man did the weekly supermarket shopping. By the time he reached the checkout, his cart was overflowing. Behind him in the line was a little old lady with just a loaf of bread and some butter.

He turned to her and said: “Is that all you have dear?”

Her face lit up. “Yes, it is.”

“Well,” he said, “if I were you I’d have a seat because I’m gonna be a while.”