Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said, “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said, “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied, “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said, “Watson, you are an idiot, it means that somebody have stolen our tent.”

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” he asked. “No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear. “Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, “That’s me before the surgery.”

Morty and Selma, an elderly couple, were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” Selma, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” Morty yelled, “He says you were speeding!” The patrolman said, “May I see your license?” Selma turned to her husband once again and asked, “What did he say?” Morty yelled, “He wants to see your license!” Selma gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, “I see you are from New York. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I’ve ever met.” Selma turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” Morty yells, “He said he thinks he knows you!”

The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. “Mr. Avery, don’t leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you’ll meet and be married in no time!” says the Matchmaker.
“Don’t bother,” replies Mr. Avery, “I’ve two sisters at home, who look after all my needs.”
“That’s all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife.”
“I said ‘two sisters’. I didn’t say they were mine!”

A wife comes home late one night, arriving early from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. “Hi, Darling”, he says, “Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom.”