Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked, “What is this, Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Go get your Mother”.

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women don’t know each other.

Sam Silverman walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies very interested in me – they’re constantly calling, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave. ”By the way,” asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies keep calling you?” “If you must know,” says Sam, “It’s the electric company, water company, and phone company.”

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.” The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.” The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.” Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well?” She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast size, 24-inch waist and 34-inch hips… When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God!”