Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Whats long and hard and full of semen?  a Submarine

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror.

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.”

The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?”

She replies, “Frankly dear, your name never came up.”

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. “I was only going 40!” the driver protested. “Not according to my radar,” the trooper said. “Yes, I was!” the man shouted back. “No you weren’t!” the trooper said. With that, the man’s wife leaned toward the window and said, ‘Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he’s been drinking.” 

Do you know why the armadillo was created?

So that the redneck can have possumn in the half shell.

When the canibals had their contest to see how many people they can eat, did one participant jump the gun so he could get a head start.