Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh .. 22!’

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you tell us your height,  please?’

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, ‘Five foot two!’

This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. ‘And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?’

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, ‘Mandy!’

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, ‘Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?’

‘Ohh that!’, replies the blonde, ‘That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….” 

Question: a turtle without a shell is it homeless or naked?

Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of Calcutta when an old  woman walked by. “Hey, Billy Joe,” one said, “I think that’s Mother  Teresa.” “Your nuts.” “I’m telling you.” They approached the woman and one asked, “Are you Mother Teresa?” The old  lady eyed them scornfully. “Piss off, you damn perverts,” she hissed,  striding off. “Jeez,” Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the  crowd, “now we’ll never know.”

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.”

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.”

Q.) What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? Not sure?

A.) Remind me not to invite you to my home!