Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said this could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn’t stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said “We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important.”. The police said “it’s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.”. “Well, who was it?” “The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion.”

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.

“They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.”

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

“Never mind,” giggles the blonde,

“I got in the back seat by mistake.”

Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall

– I am very sorry about that, I didn’t see you I was looking for my wife.
– You know what, I’m looking for mine too, I don’t know what happened to her, where she is..
– Well, how does your wife look, let’s search for her together.
– Well, she’s tall, gorgeous legs, big breasts, tight butt, cute face, thick lips, and so on, what about yours?
– Forget about mine, let’s look for yours!!

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks studying for the final. The day of the exam arrived and they were more than ready for the test. The teacher pulled out a chart, and on it were different pictures of bird’s legs. The teacher said, “This is your exam. Name these birds by their legs.”

After ten minutes one boy stood up, absolutely furious, and slammed the paper down on the teachers desk. “Dammit!” he hollered. “You knew I needed to pass this exam to graduate. How could you do this to me?” The guy begins to leave the room and the teacher yells at him, “Hey you, boy, what’s your name?” The student pulls up his pants, revealing his legs, and says, “I don’t know sir. You tell me.”