Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?” To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”

Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor. “I’m sure I’ve got a liver disease, and I’m gonna die from it.” “Ridiculous,” said the doctor. “you’d never know if you had the disease or not. With that ailment there’s no discomfort of any kind.” “Right,” said Herman, “those are my exact symptoms.” 

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn.

“Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The passenger, being a man of the world, replies “They are having sex. Don’t tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?”

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style. So the passenger says, “You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here’s what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position.”

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, “Well, how did it go?” To which the driver replies, “It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn.”

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next  morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.  This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it  here? Are they treating you all right?” They ask. “It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart”