Daily Joke: Jokes Library

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Two roofers, Larry and Joe were on the roof laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

“I have an idea” said Larry. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.”

What, do you think, I’m stupid? “I have and idea” said Joe. “I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.”

“What, do you think I’m stupid? “You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.”

Two classmates were chatting in their lunch break…

“I know how to get money real quick” says one,” how?”
“go to your dad and say, “I know the truth” and he’ll give you money”

So the young boy went home and said “dad, I know the truth” and
his dad gave him ten dollars and told him not to tell anyone ‘the truth’.

He then went to his mother, “Mom, I know the truth” he said.
“Please don’t tell your dad” she said and gave him twenty dollars.

Content with thirty dollars he went outside to go to the arcade and saw the milkman. “I know the truth!” he shouted out.

The milkman replied, “Well come and hug your real father then.”

A boy always asks for 50 cents from his mother. So his mother questioned the boy on why he kept asking for 50 cents.

The boy replied that his friend told him that if you eat 50 cents worth of peanuts a day you would become smarter.

Quickly his mother gave him $5.

The boy asks “Why $5”, and the mother replied, “Buy 50 cents of peanut for yourself and buy peanuts for your father with the balance.”

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, “What a scary mask!” but you’re not wearing a mask!

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

and last but not least…

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.