Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.

“I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool.”

So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?”

The guy grabs the microphone and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in!”

A high school student is in the counselor’s office.

“So tell me, what things interest you?

“I’d like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!”

The counselor chuckle and after a long pause says, “Well, I guess that means you’ll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.”

The student paused for a minute and said; “Well, to start with, I’m never wrong.” “Other people adore me and do exactly as I say…or if they don’t, they should.”

The counselor smiles and says; “Surgeon it is!”

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cried.

The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard.” He says. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.

“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.

The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession.

The Ants’ star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants’ goal when the Elephants’ left back came lumbering towards him.

The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?”

The elephant replied, “Well, I didn’t mean to kill him — I was just trying to trip him up.”