Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.

“Wow, this is great,” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”

“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.

“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.” This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”

“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well.” The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

“It’s fantastic out here in the world” he told them.

“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.

“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.” The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit

surprised. “Why? We thought you liked it here.”

“I do,” the rabbit replied. “But I must get back to the lab. I’m dying for a cigarette.”

A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two moose hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario.

He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose.

The next week he returns, and sure enough, the hunters have bagged two moose.

The pilot tells them there’s no way they can take off with the two moose.

Ted says, “I don’t know, the pilot last year took off with two moose.”

To which Bob adds, “Yeah, but maybe he wasn’t a total coward!”

Not wanting to be outdone, the pilot loads up everything and they start to move down the lake.

The plane is gathering speed, but the pines on the shore are rapidly approaching.

Finally, the plane gets airborne, but one wing clips the top of a tree.

The plane spins, crashes into the trees, and breaks apart.

Sometime later Ted regains consciousness and begins searching for his buddy.

He finds him, and when he wakes him up Bob asks, “Do you have any idea where we are?”

Ted replies, “I think about 200 yards further than last year.”

A Canadian tourist is fascinated by the Native American way of life and culture, so he decides to visit a reservation in the United States to find out more.

After a long and dusty drive through the Arizona desert, he finally arrives at the reservation.

Soon after his arrival, the tourist meets an old chief, who claims to remember everything that ever happened in his life.

The tourist is curious and asks the chief: “What did you have for breakfast on your fifth birthday?”

Without hesitation, the chief replies: “eggs”.

The tourist was very impressed by this, and he never forgot the chief’s words, even after his visit had long since ended.

Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again.

He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with “how”.

“Scrambled,” the old chief replied.

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish:
“I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke: “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms. He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath:

“I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands.

They had been silent for a while, then the lass said, “A penny for your thoughts.”

The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, “Well, I was thinkin’ how nice it would be if ye’d give me a wee bit of a kiss.”

So she did so.

But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, “What are ye thinkin’ now?”

To which the lad replied: “Well, I was hopin’ ye hadn’t forgot the penny!”