Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM.

The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, “How am I supposed to know? We’re 200 miles inland!” and hangs up.

Her husband rolls over and asks, “Sweetheart, who was that?”

“I don’t know, some dumb b!tch asking if the coast is clear.”

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up.

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.

A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day.

The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter.

Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong.

The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb.

“Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.”

“Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk.

“But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.”

“But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”

My wife and I wanted the sex of our baby to be a secret. She and I were sure the baby would be a girl, with four names, and we picked Alyssa Cassidy Shea Smith to be her name.. but there was always that doubt in the back of our minds.

The delivery day came at last. My wife was going into labor, and cried out a final reminder: “Don’t forget, her name is Alyssa Cassidy Shea Smith!”

“I know honey! Just be strong, you got this!”

“Oh! I almost forgot,” she said, just before the epidural took over. “We need a boy name, just in case he’s a boy.”

18 hours later, a boy was born. I’m nothing if not a good listener.

Our bouncing 8 pound, 6 oz child was named according to mom’s wishes.

Justin Casey Zaboi Smith

Idk why she’s so mad.

A boss said to his secretary, “I want to make love with you, but I will make it very fast.

I’ll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I’ll be done.”

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, “Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won’t even have enough time to undress himself.” She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, “So what happened?”

She responds, “The …bastard…..used …..coins”

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch.
They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches
every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades,
until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich.
He said, “Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken,
don’t you like it anymore?”
She said “I love it but I have to stop eating it.”
“Why?” he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said
“Cause I’m starting to grow little feathers down there!”
“Let me see” he said.
“Okay! ” and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, “That’s right.
You are!
Better not eat any more chicken.”
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he
brought peanut butter
He said to the little girl, “I have to stop eating chicken
sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!”
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said Oh, my God, it’s too late for you!
You’ve already got the neck and the gizzards!!