Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”

“I bought it today,” he says.

“With what money?” says his mother.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”

The father looks at him like he’s crazy.

“Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?” he says.

“It was the lady up the street,” says the boy. “I don’t know her name – they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her F150 for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness!” says the mother. “Maybe she’s mentally ill or has Alzheimer’s something. John, you better go see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting flowers.

He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ford F150 truck for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it.

“Well,” she says, “two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”

“Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry,” the father says. “But what does that have to do with my son and your truck?”

“Well, this morning he called and told me he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash. He told me to sell his new F150 and send him the money. So I did.”

As he’s standing at the Pearly Gates, he notices a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St Peter replied, “Those are lie clocks, every time someone tells a lie, the hands on their clock move.”

“Oh! Whose clock is that?” He says pointing.

“That’s Mother Theresa’s clock, it’s hands have never moved.”

“Wow! And whose clock is that?”

“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock, it’s hands have only moved twice.”

The man asks, “Where is Boris Johnson’s clock?

“St Peter replies, “We’re using it as a ceiling fan”

Here’s a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers.

This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time…

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.

One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot.

The family’s 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained 2.00.

The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account.

When they talked to the bank teller, she was equally impressed and” asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age.

The child proudly replied: “I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.”

“My goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin sheet rock…”

It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day!  What do you think it means?”

Her husband smiled. “Oh, I have a feeling you’ll know later tonight.” he said with a wink.

His wife squealed with joy. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it… only to find a book titled “The meaning of dreams.”

A man & his 4yo son were walking together one day and stumbled across 2 dogs having sex.

“Why is that dog hurting the other one?” asked the boy.

“He’s not hurting her,” said the dad “they’re making a puppy.”

A couple of nights later the boy walks in on his dad & mom making love and asks “Daddy why are you hurting mommy?”

“I’m not hurting mommy ” said the dad, “We’re making you a baby brother.

“Excitedly the boy screamed “Flip her over, I’d rather have a puppy.”