05/11/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15991
A man who lived in Alaska put trousers on his mule cause of the freezing winter snow and cold!
One day he was walking with his mule through a town in the midwest!
Nearly everyone in town was staring at the old man and his mule!
So the sheriff went over to the old man and asked out of curiosity,
“Why his mule got trousers on?”
The old man replied,
“He needed to keep his a$s warm!!!”
05/10/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15988
A blind man walks into a bar with a bear on a chain and a parrot on his shoulder.
“Hey,” the bartender exclaimed,
“No animals are allowed in here!”
“We’re not just animals, buster!” says the parrot.
“I’m not talking to you,” replied the bartender,
“I’m talking to the guy.”
“Well,” the parrot angrily replied,
“in case your beady little eyes haven’t noticed, the guy you’re talking to is deaf, mute and blind!” He then proudly added,
“I am his service bird. I do all of his talking for him. If you talk to him, you’re talking to me, so don’t be such a jack@ss!”
Hmmm, the bartender studied the bird.
“Okay, birdbrain,” the bartender leaned in close to him,
“let me take a guess, if you’re a talking service bird, then the bear must be a seeing-eye bear, right?”
“Nope,” replied the bird,
“the bear is a bodyguard.”
“What the heck does a blind, mute and deaf guy need a bodyguard for?” asked the bartender.
“The bodyguard is not his, ya dummy!” the parrot yelled,
“He’s mine!”
05/09/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15983
A small boy Little Johnny was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parent’s room, and he decided to investigate.
As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth.
“DAD!” he shouted.
“What are you doing?”
“It’s ok,” his father replied.
“Your mother wants a baby, that’s all.”
The Little Johnny, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.
weeks later, the little Johnny was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father.
“DAD!” he shouted.
“What are you doing now?”
“Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied.
“Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”
05/08/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15981
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached Pastor Little Johnny with an unusual offer:
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honour and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”
He passed Little Johnny a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, Little Johnny the Pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even
look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,
“Yes,”
then leaned toward Pastor Little Johnny and hissed:
“I thought we had a deal.”
Little Johnny put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered:
“She made me a better offer.”
05/07/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15978
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.
Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks.
“Do you know what I miss most of all?”
She asks. “What?”
“S*X!”
Annabel exclaims.
“Why you old fart, you couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”
“I know,” Howard says. “But it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while.”
“Well, I can oblige.” Says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterwards, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard’s manhood.
Then, one night, Howard didn’t show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K.
She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident – Who was holding Howard’s manhood!
Furious, Annabel yelled.
“You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don’t have?”
Howard smiled happily and replied.
“Parkinson’s.”