Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.

The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife:

“Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast.

“Joe,” he says to his son,

“what happened last night?”

“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”

“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”

“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed,

‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals.

The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half, the big animals had the ball.

In the first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain.

In The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain.

On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5-yard loss.

The defence huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly,

“Who stopped the elephant?”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“Who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5-yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede,

“I was having my ankles taped.”

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.

Ethel said,

“You know, Mabel, I’ve been reading this ‘S*x and Marriage’ book and all they talk about is ‘mutual org@sm’.

‘Mutual org@sm’ here and mutual org@sm’ there – that’s all they talk about.

Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have a mutual org@sm?”.

Mabel thought for a long while.

Finally, she shook her head and said,

“No, I think we had State Farm.

A lady and her dog were enjoying a stroll in the park when her dog was mounted from behind by a large Rottweiler.

The Rot was really humping away and the lady was frantically trying to break them up, to no avail.

A small boy named Little Johnny walked up and stuck his finger in the Rot’s b*tt, and the action immediately stopped.

The lady was amazed.

“How did you do that?” she asked.

The little Johnny said, “

That’s my dog! He can dish it out, but he can’t take it!”

A young couple had neighbours who were senior citizens, the husband around 80 years old, and the wife about 5 years younger.

The young couple were very fond of the elderly couple and made it a point to visit them and have coffee with them every Sunday.

They observed that the old lady would bring the coffee bottle to her husband to be opened, every time.

The thoughtful young man gifted the lady a gadget, without her husband’s knowledge, to easily open the bottle, and showed her how to use it.

On their next visit, the old lady once again brought the bottle for her husband to open!

The young couple was amazed! Had she forgotten about the gadget?

When the opportunity arose to be alone with the old lady, they quizzed her about this.

Her reply made them speechless……

She said:

“Oh, I can open the bottle myself, even without your gadget! But I get him to open it so he feels he is still stronger than I am and thus the man of our home…….that he remains useful to me as always; that I still depend on him; that

togetherness is the main ingredient of any marriage….we don’t have many more years of life in us, and togetherness is of utmost importance!”

Moral: Never underestimate the wisdom of the elderly.

Our parents/grandparents may not be bringing in money any longer, but their guidance alone is priceless. You may have a fruitless tree in your garden, but at least it gives you shade……you will not cut it off, now, will you? Looking
after the elderly and sick should be looked upon as a blessing!