Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man needed a horse,

so he went to a temple and got one.

Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse.

In order to make the horse go, you say,

“Thank God,” and for it to stop you say, “Amen.”

So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse.

Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff.

Just in time, he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.

“Whew,” said the man,

“thank God!”

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.

The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.

“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”

Gus replies, “I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left.”

The waiter says,

“Give him the rotten eggs. He’s so bombed he won’t know the difference.”

Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast.

The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment.

He goes to pay the cashier and asks,

“Where’d you get those eggs?”

She replies, “We have our own chicken farm.”

The drunk asks, “Do you have a rooster?

“No,” she says.

The drunk replies,

“Well, you’d better get one, because some skunk is scr*wing your chickens.”

An elderly married couple is having problems in the bedroom….

So the wife goes to an adult toy store and asks the worker behind the counter what she can do to spice up her lovemaking.

The worker suggests some cr0tch-less p@nties and takes her to see some.

The wife looks at them and thinks they’re perfect She can’t wait to get home and wear them for her husband.

When she gets home she finds her husband is still out.

She makes her way up the bedroom to put on her new p@nties.

She eagerly waits for her husband to get home.

After some time she hears him come in.

He calls out to her, “where are you??”

“I’m in the bedroom, dear!” She replies.

He makes his way up to the bedroom and sees his wife laying back in bed.

“Want some of this?” She asks as she spreads her legs open to give him a nice view.

The man takes one looks and says,

“Hell no! Look what it did to your underwear!”

A farmer goes to the local farmer’s market to try and sell his bull.

A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he’s good. Shit, he’s even too good!

He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc.

There’s not an animal on that farm he hasn’t tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Because for the last few days he’s been looking at my wife kind of funny.

A city kid went to his grandpa’s farm for the weekend.

He tagged along as Pa did what had to be done around the place, taking it all in.

Then Grandpa came across a cow having trouble calving.

He didn’t know how the whole process would be taken in by the six-year-old but had no option but to get on with the job of assisting the birth.

When the calf had been ‘pulled’ and the cow was happily cleaning it up, Pa asked the boy if he had any questions about what he had just seen.

At first, the kid seemed overwhelmed by the experience, but finally asked,

“Just how fast was that calf going when it hit the cow’s behind?”