07/03/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16156
There is a mommy stork, a daddy stork, and a baby stork.
One day, daddy didn’t come home for dinner.
Mommy and baby were very worried.
When dad came home late the next morning, they asked what he was doing.
“I was making a young couple very happy,” he replied.
About a week later, mommy didn’t come home for dinner.
Daddy and the baby were very worried.
When mom came home late the next morning, they asked what she was doing.
“I was making a young couple very happy,” she replied.
A few days later, the baby didn’t come home for dinner.
Mom and dad were very worried.
When he came home very late the next morning, they asked him where he was.
Baby just grinned and said,
“I’ve been scaring the sh!t out of college students!”
07/02/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16153
A 50-year-old lady, who suddenly started learning how to swim instead of her usual routine work of going to a Church !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her:
“why the change in your interest in swimming nowadays?”
The lady, with a look of helplessness, replied:
Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel each other She ( Daughter-in-law) always asks my son:
“If your mom and I fall in the water, whom will you save first?”
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, so I am learning how to swim!
A few days later husband and wife were quarrelling again, and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked:
” now tell me! If your mom and I fall in the water, whom will you save first?”
Husband replied:
“I don’t have to get down in the water, my mom knows how to swim, she will save you.”
Wife refused to relent:
“No, you have to jump in the water, and have to save one of us”
The husband replied:
“Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know how to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”
07/01/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16150
A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck.
The ticket agent looks at the man and then at the duck, which is on a leash.
The ticket agent states that the duck is not permitted in the theatre.
The man explains that the duck is his service pet.
However, because he didn’t have his service pet certification on him, the duck wasn’t allowed in.
The man then goes to the side of the theatre and stuffs the duck down the front of his pants.
With no duck to be seen, the ticket agent allows the man in.
The theatre was packed and the man ends up sitting next to two ladies.
About twenty minutes into the movie the duck was getting uncomfortable and hot so the man unzips his pants to let the duck breath.
The duck sticks out his head and starts looking around.
One lady nudges the other lady and exclaims,
“Hey, this guy next to me just unzipped his pants.”
The lady furthest away says,
“Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all”.
The other lady replies,
“Yes, that’s what I thought, but this one’s eating my popcorn”.
06/30/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16146
A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day…
She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years.
His favourite: a sandwich on Italian bread, made with turkey, American cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo.
The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite.
His wife asks the same thing she always asks,
“How’s the sandwich dear?”
Every time he would give the same response,
“It tastes fine”.
He would continue eating with a disappointed look on his face.
His wife thinks maybe its time to switch things up a bit.
So the next day, she makes him his normal lunch, only this time, she makes it with ham and cheese, and on wheat bread.
She thought surely he will enjoy this!
The husband enters the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife then asks “How’s the sandwich dear?”
As always, he replies “It tastes fine”.
He would continue eating with a disappointed look on his face.
His wife then thinks maybe she needs to offer him more variety.
So the next day, she makes him a sandwich, only this time it’s made with salami, pepperoni, and extra veggies and vinegarette dressing.
He walks in the kitchen, takes a bite, and the wife asks
“How’s the sandwich dear?”
As always, he replies “It tastes fine” and continued eating with a disappointed look on his face.
The next day, as lunchtime is getting ready to roll around, his wife was making him lunch. She was furious at the lack of excitement and enjoyment coming from her husband, so she decides she’s going to make him the most unique sandwich he’s ever had.
She prepares her Italian bread, only this time she toasts it, and almost burns it.
She adds random ingredients like peanut butter, peppers and onions, strawberry jam, turkey, ham, corned beef, some olives and some various seasonings.
She thought “If this doesn’t get a new reaction out of him, nothing will!”
The husband walks into the kitchen, takes a seat, and takes a bite of his sandwich.
All of a sudden, his eyes widen, and he takes two more bites.
Suddenly, he looks up at his wife with the biggest grin he’s ever had.
He chuckled a bit and says
“Finally! Something original in this sub!”
06/29/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16142
Little Johnny, 6 years old, gets home from school.
He had his first family planning lesson at school.
His mother, is very interested & she asks
“…How did it go?”
“I died of shame”…he answers!
Annie from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Timmy in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.
His mother answers laughingly…
“But that’s no reason to be ashamed?”
“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”