Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Anna was 79 years old and lived on the third floor of a boarding house.

Despite her age, she was still a real pistol-packin’ mama.

However, one day she fell and broke her leg.

An ambulance drove her to the hospital where a doctor put a cast on it.

When he was done, he warned her,

“Now don’t be walking up or down any stairs, okay?”

Anna nodded and thought that this sounded reasonable.

A few weeks later, the doctor took off the cast.

“So, can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Thank goodness!” she said.

“I’m sick and tired of climbing up and down that drainpipe!”

A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch.

He gets out of the car and knocks on a farmhouse door for help.

He explains his situation to the farmer.

The farmer gets his horse and they walk to the crash scene.

The farmer then uses a rope to tie the horse to the car Pull, Zoomer, pull” the farmer shouts, but the horse doesn’t move.

Pull, Radar, pull” the farmer yells again, but again, the horse stands still Pull, Dasher, pull” yells the farmer, but the horse stands like a rock.

Pull, Dusty, pull” shouts the farmer, and the horse finally gets the car out with minimal effort.

The driver is dumbfounded so he asks the farmer:

“Why do you call your horse different names?”

You see,” the farmer replies, “Dusty is blind.

“If he knew he was working by himself, he wouldn’t have pulled.”

The young couple invited their aged pastor for Sunday dinner.

While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

“Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled pastor.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes,” said the boy.

“On the drive back from church I heard Mom say to Dad, ‘Remember, we’re having the old goat for dinner tonight.’

One day a farmer decided that he wanted to expand his chicken farm.

In order to do this, he needed a stud rooster.

He asked around his fellow farmers and the general consensus was that the best rooster was from a faraway town.

His name was Randy.

The farmer went to this far away town and met with Randy’s owner.

The owner confirmed that Randy was indeed the best, but would come at an expensive price.

After much deliberation, the farmer decided to invest in Randy.

When the farmer got home, he sat down with Randy and explained what he needed and told him that while he expected Randy to perform, he also expected Randy to pace himself.

The farmer released Randy in the hen house and Randy went wild.

Feathers were flying and Randy was servicing every hen in the house.

The farmer reiterated to Randy the necessity of pace.

The next day, Randy not only went flying through the hen house but also went after the dog, the cat, the sheep, a fox and several other accessible animals.

The farmer was outraged.

“Randy,” he said,

“You can’t possibly last at this pace.”

“Slow down, I need you for a long time.”

Well, the next day, the inevitable happened.

Randy was lying in the field looking like death was soon coming. Buzzards were circling around and slowly getting closer.

The farmer watched his dying investment and then went up to Randy and said

“How could you? I asked you to pace yourself and now you’re a spent force.”

Slowly, Randy opened one eye and pointed to the sky saying

“Shh… they’re getting closer.”

The police dispatch picks up the phone and writes down the call for help:

“Please send someone urgent, a cat has broken in!”

The police dispatcher responded,

“Sir, I don’t think I heard you correctly. A cat at your home?”

“A cat! He has invaded my house and is walking towards me!”

Again the police dispatch tried to correct him

“But how so? You mean a thief?”

“NO! I’m talking about a fre@king cat, the one that does ‘meow, meow’, and it’s coming my way!…. You have to come now!”

“So what about this cat coming toward you?” the officer replies trying to grasp the situation

“He’s going to kill me, now he’s going mental! And you will be the reason I die”

“Who is talking?” the officer asks

The parrot, you jac**ss!