Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old fisherman makes camp up in the north country near a blue-green lake, and in the morning he starts to make breakfast.

As he’s cooking, a little family of moles living in a mole-hill nearby begin to smell what the old fisherman’s cooking.

The mother mole says

“Hey! Old Fisherman’s cooking, and it smells like bacon!”

The father mole sniffs the air and says

“No no I smell pancakes, butter and maple syrup!”

The teenager mole says

“You’re both wrong! He’s making eggs!”

And the littlest mole says

“I don’t know what you’re all talking about, all I smell is mole-a$$e$”.

A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice.

On the last evening of the country mouse’s visit, they were dining in the kitchen when it came to the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen.

“Don’t panic,” said the town mouse,

“Leave this to me.”

Marching up to the cat she said, “Bow wow wow wow!”

The cat turned and ran from the room.

“How did you do that?” asked the country mouse.

“As I told you,” said the town mouse, “it pays to learn a second language.”

A wife was in bed with her lover,

When she heard her husband’s key in the door.

“Stay where you are,” she said.

“He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife:

“Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife.

Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.

The husband climbed out of bed and counted.

One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

“Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpa? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds,

“No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather,

“Will you please make a sound like a frog?”

Grandpa again says,

“No, not now. I don’t really want to do that. I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”

Then the third little boy comes out and says,

“Grandpa, oh please… Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”

“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face,

“Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”

A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and every day there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him:

“You call yourself a king? You’re nothing but a p**sy who’s afraid of his own shadow. If you’re a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, you think you’re so fierce, you sissy!”.

The lion’s wife would get so annoyed

“Why are you letting him get away with this? If you’re not gonna do something about this, I WILL!”,

And the lion would say

“Just ignore him, he’s a freaking fox, he’s not worth it, just let it go”.

One day, she felt that she couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to handle the situation by herself.

She came out of the cave and started running after the fox.

The fox ran and ran, but the lioness was close on his heel. He entered a pipe and got out on the other end.

When she tried to get in, she got stuck, so the fox came from behind and f**k*d her in the a**.

The lioness went back to the cave, angry and frustrated.

The lion looked at her and said:

“So… He took you to the pipe didn’t he..”